can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
