I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
