hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
