i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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