I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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