she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
