mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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