oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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