Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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