Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
