you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
