I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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