cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
