I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
