I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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