DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
