What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
