if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
