I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
