recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
