There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
