Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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