i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are the jesus of drinking
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
