My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cannot find my penis.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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