Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
