Just fell off a train. Bad.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
