Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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