If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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