dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
