I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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