so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
