I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
