if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
