1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
