dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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