please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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