your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
