My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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