paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm too high and old for this...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
