I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
