I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
