They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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