Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
