You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
