Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
