She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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