I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
