I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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