Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
