I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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