the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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