I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
