i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
