We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
