omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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