How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
