he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
